Hi everyone. I hope some of your weeks might have been better than mine but if not, know that I am right here with you.
The elections happened in the US this week and it’s been one of the roughest weeks in 2016 for me (and 2016 has been a terrible year in general so that is saying a lot.) The reason why I am talking about any of this is because I NEED to explain how I am feeling right now. I am stuck and I cannot move on. I don’t WANT to move on. The results of these elections mean a lot of things to a lot of different people and for me, they show that hate is trumping love across the globe. We seem to be taking a lot of steps backward this year and my eyes are opening to this whole new level of intolerance I was too naive to think existed.
Don’t get me wrong. I go to college in a small town and have been yelled at and cursed at a bunch of time so I’ve always felt unsafe but I always thought there was a place for me outside of this town, you know? That maybe the world was my oyster and that maybe my dreams had a chance.
I don’t feel that way anymore. I just feel terrified. For myself, for my friends and their families, for people I don’t know. Nothing feels right anymore. The day after the elections? I was too afraid to leave my house and when I did and saw a white guy in a truck I almost burst into tears because I was worried he would yell at me or say something awful.
I went to a rally on Wednesday and I could feel how much people in this town didn’t want us there. One of my co-workers told me that in the comments section of a local newspaper article about the rally, people were leaving death threats aimed towards the college students.
So yes, I am not doing okay. I cannot concentrate on my school work (finals are next week so I am F U C K E D) and worst of all, I cannot read. Reading has always been a form of escapism for me. I read to escape the world and horrible things and I cannot do that. I cannot find comfort in words because I am so scared but I don’t want to forget about what is happening in the world now. I am afraid that if I forget, it’ll be me giving in and other people will slowly start to forget too. And soon enough, this hatred will be our new normal. I don’t want that, I cannot have that. The only thing keeping me going right now is that there are people who are not okay with this. That there are people fighting and I am scared that soon enough people will stop. I don’t know, I am rambling but I have a lot of emotions right now.
I don’t even know what the point of this post is anymore. Maybe just that we are all in this together and we need to stay strong? We cannot give up. Not for us, not for the world, not for anyone. We cannot let hate trump and we cannot accept this as our new normal. I am not okay right now and maybe you aren’t either. Maybe we won’t be okay anytime soon (and people telling others ‘what is done is done’ need to SHUT THE FUCK UP.) But we are in this together and I have a little smidgen of hope that won’t stop bothering me and occasionally making me feel like we might even be okay.
I am here if you want to talk. My DMs are open on twitter, you can also email me or leave a comment. Lots of hugs and love to every single one of you. <3 <3
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