Monday, January 07, 2013

Review: Touch of Death by Kelly Hashway

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Touch of Death
Kelly Hashway
Series: Touch of Death #1
Publication date: January 15th 2013
by Spencer Hill Press 

Jodi Marshall isn’t sure how she went from normal teenager to walking disaster. One minute she’s in her junior year of high school, spending time with her amazing boyfriend and her best friend. The next she’s being stalked by some guy no one seems to know.

After the stranger, Alex, reveals himself, Jodi learns he’s not a normal teenager and neither is she. With a kiss that kills and a touch that brings the dead back to life, Jodi discovers she’s part of a branch of necromancers born under the 13th sign of the zodiac, Ophiuchus. A branch of necromancers that are descendents of Medusa. A branch of necromancers with poisoned blood writhing in their veins.

Jodi’s deadly to the living and even more deadly to the deceased. She has to leave her old, normal life behind before she hurts the people she loves. As if that isn’t difficult enough, Jodi discovers she’s the chosen one who has to save the rest of her kind from perishing at the hands of Hades. If she can’t figure out how to control her power, history will repeat itself, and her race will become extinct.

*A copy was provided by Spencer Hill Press for review purposes*
If I had the touch of death, I’d touch this book.

Did it start off good? When people started falling to their death after coming in contact with Jodi–that’s a yes! I love the idea of this book. The inclusion of mythology and the newly discovered 13th sign in the premise are great touches. I loved how Kelly got into the lore of these necromancers and gave us a pretty complex backstory, which was both fascinating and strengthened the world building. This is the part that I liked, but unfortunately everything else about this book brought tears to my eyes; of boredom that is.

For one, if Jodi accidentally stabbed/scratched/cut/punctured herself one more time whenever she had a run-in with a person or dead animal I was going to spit on this book! I’m not a stupid reader, or rather, I am not Jodi, I don’t need to see infinite examples until the point comes across. Especially when these consisted of forced “Oops, look a that! I’m bleeding again. Shucks!” right at the opportune time a dead animal happens to be right there! Oh and did I mention she just wipes it on the poor thing? Because you know, fur = paper towel. Honestly, it felt like a parody. The ones in slow motion with an “OH NOOOO, NOT AGAIN” bubble. Yeah. And maybe–just some passing advice–it would be a great idea to stop touching people when they start, like, dying, after you do. *shrugs*

And what is it with the lack of common sense in this book? Jodi waits until just about the whole world dies before she realizes the problem is her. Then these people who are apparently the rulers of their house/race have been living with a magic-hand Medusa statue for ages and you’re going to tell me that no one has ever tried touching both of her hands at once? They were shocked that it actually did something. Yeah… duh! Even with this aside, these characters, man. O.M.G *snores*. They’re too oblivious, too bland, too stereotypical, and with a love interest that starts out as a stalker–literally–and becomes increasingly annoying as the book progresses. He, himself, induced so many sighs that could have been oxygen otherwise used by my brain, thus I blame this book for a now decreased brain cellular activity.

This font on the cover: Shoo!

But honestly, nothing happens in this book. People die, *gasp* it’s the protagonist’s fault! Blah blah, more blah blah, the end.

The last page was good. The one where I saw it was over. I liked that part.

2 Espressos

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Canadian blogger, wife, mother, coffee lover, and sarcastic at heart! She has had a love for all things bookish since before Amazon and eReaders existed *le gasp*. You can also find her organizing tours and other fun things at Xpresso Book Tours.

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42 Responses to “Review: Touch of Death by Kelly Hashway”

  1. Sirtsu

    Hahahahahhaha. Am I weird for sometimes liking reviews that are mean? Because, let’s be honest, this review is a little mean, but how else can you describe your thoughts and feelings if you can’t state your opinion out loud? Well.. I think after reading your review I couldn’t love this book even if I tried, but it wasn’t on my TBR list anyway, so no harm done. BUT, I love this review. Practically made my day in the middle of studying myself crazy for my exams with LOL’ing so hard. A pleasure to read you reviews, Giselle, no matter if they’re 2 stars or rare 5 stars.

    Oooh, and I saw that you got Losing It and Hopeless last week. I really hope you’ll like those, they were great! But if you end up hating them, then I’ll most likely still love your review even if we agree to disagree;)

    Siiri @ Little Pieces of Imagination

  2. Amy

    Hahaha!! We are totally opposites on this book. I think I really like Jodi because I am so accident prone like her. I cut myself on like a weekly basis on who knows what and end up with bruises that I don’t know how I got lol!! She’s not the brightest, but I thought it was funny and I couldn’t help but laugh. And what’s his name was totally a creepy stalker. He grew on me a little, but I was not all swoony over him like some people. That boy has major mommy issues haha! I really liked this though and I’m interested to see where it goes.

  3. Silverlight

    I just finished this a couple of weeks ago, and I agree with you! This book was a highly anticipated read for me, but it was painful to read at times, seriously I felt like needles were in my eyes, painful. It was repetitive and boring and really how dumb can one girl be? The parts with the animals were freaky. I really thought the idea{zombie like animals, etc} was great but the execution missed the mark.
    Love this, “fur = paper towels”
    I rated it a 3, and that was generous! My review will be this week.

  4. Jenni @ Alluring Reads

    Oh wow sweetie, tell me how you really feel! LOL There is so much win in this review. I hadn’t wanted to read this one because there are so many books out there with this whole touch of death premise and really how much can you really re-invent that. Thanks for the honesty! It’s hard, but sometimes it’s necessary!

  5. Stephanie

    This review is hilariouss. I actually guffawed at the “last page was good.” I can see that it actually angered you to have read this one all the way through. I will NOT be reading this, so thanks, and my condolences on your lost brain cells.

  6. Christina

    You almost made me spittake water all over my keyboard with that first sentence. I will not be drinking anything more until I finish!

    So…she’s Poison Ivy + Ned from Pushing Daisies. Okaaaaay.

    Gross! Why does she keep injuring herself? WTF is the point?

    Bahaha, I feel like this a lot: “The last page was good. The one where I saw it was over. I liked that part.”

    What are your one star reviews like? Youch.

  7. Fall Into Books

    LOL I enjoyed this book, but your review cracked me up. I agree with the short comings. I especially like your, “I am not a stupid reader. Rather, I am not Jodi,” statement. I thought she was super stupid, too. I liked the last half of the book quite a bit, though. The beginning (after the first death) SUCKED, though. I’m hopeful for the series, and I rated it rather highly (B-) because of the Medusa lore. I’m sorry you didn’t like the book more.

    Amber @ Fall Into Books

  8. Shooting Stars Mag

    I really enjoyed your first line, here. Oh goodness. I’m sorry it wasn’t that good. I think I would get annoyed really fast with the characters- since I’m such a character gal when it comes to pretty much anything entertainment-based. LOL The summary really didn’t grab me too much anyway, I have to admit.


  9. Bailey

    Omigosh your first sentence made me LOL so hard. Totally describes exactly how you feel about this book. 😉 It really intrigued me at first but your review makes me so hesitant to pick it up! OMG it drives me crazy when the main characters are so stupid and lack all common sense. Crazy! I really love your review. So honest and hilarious. 🙂

  10. Heather

    It’s not often I hear you rant, it must have been really bad! No offense to your poor reading experience (cause those suck), but I this made me laugh so hard!

  11. Megan Reti

    Yikes! Yours is actually the second review of this one I’ve read today (the other was from Jessi and Auntie Spinelli Reads) and she agreed that Jodi was super dense not to realize what was going on and it was too convenient to have her always cutting herself.

    I’ll skip this one and thanks for making me laugh!

  12. Aneeqah

    So I kind of love this entire review, Giselle, especially your opening and closing lines, haha. Good stuff, right there. 😉 But anyways, I’ve only see negative reviews for this one so far, and I think I’ll have to pass this one up. Jodi sounds like a complete idiot, and I can not stand wimpy and dumb heroines. Jodi seems to both of those, and she sounds stereotypical. Honestly, there’s nothing worse than stereotypical for me. Oh maybe, wait there is! When the romance contains a stalker. And look at that, wouldn’t ya’, there’s a creepy stalker dude as the main love interest! It’s like this book is screaming a huge NO at me.

    Thanks for the honest review Giselle! <3

  13. Jen (A Reading Daydreamer)

    OMG GISELLE I FREAKING LOVE YOU. Thanks for being up front about it. I’m definitely sure that I won’t be checking it out now. The concept DOES sound cool and I respect Hashway for coming up with such a cool concept, but GIRL. PUH-LEASE. Everything else in the story sounds not good at all! Not-wise character, stereotypical.. what more could you NOT want in a book?! Hilarious and amazing review, Giselle!

  14. Kaina

    OH. MY. GOD. Your first line had me laughing like crazy. I’ll admit I was fascinated by the concept when I read it but now knowing that it has of lack of sense I may not read it. Great review! 😀

  15. Millie

    Bahaha! Your’re so funny! And I just read another negative review on this book! I’ve heard a few good things about the book, but I wasn’t really interested, and especially after reading two negative reviews in a row, I’m gonna pass on this book. I mean, does that dead animal seriously have to be there when she happens to bleed? I mean, I barely bleed, and when I do, a dead animal is nowhere in sight, and if there were a dead animal in sight, I’d make sure I was far away from it. AND WHY WOULD I WIPE MY HANDS ON THE POOR THING?!? Like, seriously! Great review!

    Millie @ Millie D’s Words

  16. A Canadian Girl

    Lmao, I was interested in reading this one but your review has convinced me to save my time and brain cells for another book. The MC sounds like the stupidest character ever!

    P.S. This is probably my favourite review from you, Giselle 🙂

  17. J.J. Bonds

    My softer side feels a bit for the author on this, but I have to admit I laughed out loud. I love honest reviews and completely agree with you on the cover font (not one of SHP’s better covers). Anyway, I’m a big fan of strong heroines so, regardless of an interesting premise, it’ll be a pass for me as well.

  18. Jesse Burgoyne

    Haha! I wanted to read this book because I thought it sounded interesting, but after reading this I’m thinking that your review is probably a million and a half times more entertaining than the book itself. I know it can’t be good if you wanted to spit on the book! And fur = paper towels? Besides that being sad and wrong, it also sounds extremely unsanitary. Lol! Great review 🙂

    Jesse @ Pretty In Fiction

  19. Kara_Malinczak

    You blame this book for lack of brain cellular activity? HAHAHAHA. This review is hilarious and a rarity for you, Giselle. Thank goodness I wasn’t planning on reading it! XD

  20. vivalabooks

    Haha I loved the beginning of this review! Too bad that it wasn’t very interesting and Jodi doesn’t sound like a character I’d enjoy. I don’t think I’ll be giving this book a try, but your review was super honest & entertaining at the same time.

  21. Renae

    I laughed really hard when I first read this review on Goodreads. You did a great job pinning down what you didn’t like without getting ranty or super snarky. Honestly, I’m surprised you even gave this 2/5 lol!

  22. Megan K.

    LOL! This review is just hilarious, Giselle! xD But – ugh – this book had so much potential. I’m quite disappointed that it never lived up to your expectations. Well, I don’t think I’ll be reading this book any time soon. Not with Jodi as the MC, anyway. :/

  23. Nick

    OMG! Giselle, you know you write brilliant reviews, right? But this? It’s the most EPIC one you’ve ever written!
    I loved it! I laughed from start to finish because it was so funny! 😀
    I hate the sound of Jodi. She seems like someone who I would hate. Ughhh! Plus, she seems to be a very dim-witted heroine. I can’t stand such characters!
    I’m sorry this ended up being a boring read for you, Giselle! I’m going to stay far away from this book!
    Best review ever, Gisele! 🙂

  24. kimbacaffeinate

    It took her the whole book to release her touch kills people *bangs head on desk* your thoughts made me giggle. Awesome review, but *shakes head* not for me. I do love the cover.

  25. Micheline D

    Bahaha this review made me giggle pretty much through the whole thing…your take on it anyways. Thinking about the plot you described made me *facepalm*. Wow, does this ever sound lame. Thanks for the honest review girlie!

  26. Bonnie

    Boo I’m so disappointed because I had wanted to read this one, but on the flipside I rather enjoyed your hilarious review. Too bad about this book though, it sounded like it had potential….